Heard some news that I surely was expecting tonight, but you never can prepare for the inevitable ending of a life, no matter how hard you try it seems. I'm very much trying to be respectful and careful about other people's feelings, so I don't want say too much just yet, but it's so sad for me to see the impending loss of part of the family I've just become a piece of after having tattered remnants of a family for so long (almost half my life so far).
Looks like I'll be leaving on a jet plane for Ohio again soon.
I would sincerely appreciate everyone's thoughts here for the father who has taken me in and loved me so openly and without reserve, that I never expected to deserve in my life...
a little voice in my head whispers that maybe this is the price paid for taking me in, broken as I am under all the pretty picture windows,
that I can't help but break those who touch me too.
You are *not* responsible. This is not because of anything you did or are. I promise times a million. <3
ReplyDeleteOh Ellie (you know I'm really not joking when I say that my favorite people in the whole frickin world are named Ellie :) thank you so much for just helping me get out of that little mode I was in. Just to know I'm not talking to the walls helps a great deal. I love your comment earlier about being a teenager and looking out at the sky and feeling that "bigness" when you wanted to weird out--I used to do the same thing and freaked out for years when I felt too "small", if that makes sense. Having a background in biology and the sciences has really helped me feel so much more comfortable with the nothingness. Funny really-I can feel okay about the conceptual understanding that my tiny fleeting nanosecond of a life is nothing to the great Father of Time, but I tweak out about the idea that I don't deserve a family. Being human is so weird sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThank you again, for being here.
You deserve every bit of love that life can give and never, never feel regrets about accepting it. When all else is over it is love that remains. This I know...love is eternal. Take care.
ReplyDeleteHi Carrmen
ReplyDeleteLove is a bond that cannot be broken, even in death which is simply a doorway to the next stage of the journey. You have received and given love which in your earlier life you may never have expected, what a blessing! I´ll add you and yours to my healing list!
There is never a price for love....
ReplyDeletexoxoxoxox