Summer Hiatus

So I'm probably not in the mood just yet to post a normal post, but I wanted to recognize and be present to what Junebug posted this week-that the blogging world around us feels dead and that we all might need to pay attention just a little to each other. This makes me think of a Sylvia Plath poem that has haunted me since I really heard it through my previous friend Glory years ago when I had the opportunity to hear her old copies of live shows she sang (I'm pretty sure there is no copy of that particular sog-a different song of hers is here--http://redfizz02.com/media3/Similar Animals - Better Than Nowhere.mp3


"Mad Girl's Love Song 

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; 
I lift my lids and all is born again. 
(I think I made you up inside my head.) 

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red, 
And arbitrary blackness gallops in: 
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. 

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed 
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane. 
(I think I made you up inside my head.) 

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade: 
Exit seraphim and Satan's men: 
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. 

I fancied you'd return the way you said, 
But I grow old and I forget your name. 
(I think I made you up inside my head.) 

I should have loved a thunderbird instead; 
At least when spring comes they roar back again. 
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. 
(I think I made you up inside my head.)" 
— Sylvia Plath

So what has kept me as quiet as the dead?

I've been in the desert and heard the hollow plunk of a well played banjo and the wind whistle through palm leaves.

I've been in the middle of fire and walked out unscathed.

I've been basking in the bright light  in complete repose with my most loved beings in tow.  Breathing the salty air, gazing at the Pacific and listening to sounds of the forest about me.

I've danced in a toy store where handmade treasures flow from the brilliant mind of a Kentucky boy 17 miles from the Mexico border.

I've been on a land mass biological island and measured the wings of a crimson fledermaus.

I've been savoring the pleasures of spirit and the fruits of the harvest.

In short, I have been living my days as they come and trying to not ask for more than what I have.


I'm more aware of the privacy I lose when opening my words to the winds-though this is nothing like talking to the wind...what you say, what I say, what we type onto our keyboards and send across the world wide web is hard to erase and easy to cause destruction in it's unwitting emotion-blooming wake.

 I feel a need to guard though the feeling itself makes me angry that I cannot be without consequence. But that is my main conundrum really, and it's of real truth in a larger sense to my life...

I want the anonymity of the internet to act as a shroud, but I want to still be me and not keep myself away from this open space where I feel so much positive and enthusiastic energy. How completely unrealistic to think that I can draw the shade on whomever I want, whenever it suits me, but I must admit I still wish for it greedily. To speak my mind freely, to share what I may, and keep no conscience of those who it might bother...

I also realize that my ability to describe quickly and fluidly my thoughts through writing have diminished with my increased need to check and recheck and recheck my words for obvious misspellings and errors.
Much of this is signs of MS deterioration, but I'm so functional physically for the most part that neurologist's rarely are interested in hearing that I can't "type as fast I used to, or make more mistakes". They blame it on age.
They say I'm lucky it's not worst.
They don't want me to ask for cognitive evaluation because really, what can you do about it, eh?

So that is also why I do not write. Because the spell check can't catch when I make mistakes like using the wrong word, and I'm too proud to see such blaring proof that there are things I cannot control about this disease.

 So these are my excuses and the jumble in my head, but I miss you all and want to be better if I can just find a way to reconcile my identity on the internet and how it affects the people around me. Feel free to offer any salient advice-really anything will do :)


On a different note-it was time for a change of background don't you think?

Wishing you all well as always. P.S. Where is Weekword these days?