Still working on this taking pictures of me thing...it feels creepy and self absorbed, but also scary, and really uncomfortable, all at the same time. I've never liked the way I look- its just a fact. In no way am I sharing this to earn sympathy or make some appeal for compliments ( pretty sure any compliments are going to make me squirm in my seat more than I already am), Im just trying to be honest and I think from a societal standpoint that my displeasure in my looks is commonplace. I also think its absolute bullshit and it makes me just down right mad. I think women are the most beautiful creatures and I'm passionately dedicated to defending the rights of women on this planet. It's truly the human rights travesty of this century- mass gender inequality globally is the underlying hinge that so many other issues are affected by. When women are educated, and given social, economic, and health equality, societal problems like over population, degradation of resources, drug trafficking, child malnutrition, to name a few; decrease.
I've volunteered with women's health clinics, domestic violence shelters ( after having to be a visitor of one myself in my late teens), counseled teens in crisis, and habitually give money to NPOs involved in helping women and girls afford education, take out loans to start their own form of income through artisan/craftsmanship, and gain access to resources generally excluded to humans with testicles. I know and believe from the core of being that women run the world.
But I can't look in the mirror or at a picture of myself without judging.
I am making progress, though. Little by little, I'm more and more and more sure that I am beautiful inside, and every once in a while, I think on the outside too :)
As for the new toys, I've been collecting some new supplies for this Life Book class, though I'm quite thankful that I have the vast majority of the art materials requested for the year. I am soo good at wanting to spend money on art supplies, just not so hot at using them. I'm more of a collector and exuberant lover of the possibility of good art, just one hot mess at putting my nose to the grind stone and actually doing anything.
Oh and speaking of new toys-I decided to buy some acrylics and then a medium to increase fluidity rather than buy the Golden Liquid Acrylics that EVERYONE just loves so much they want to marry them. I mean I just kinda don't get paying $6-7 bucks for series 1 and up to $14 for series 4 pigments for a 1 oz bottle of what, from what I can tell, are just watered down acrylics. I'm sure they are really nice feeling in their handling, and I totally get having things be easier than fussing with trying to water down your own acrylics and a potential loss of pigment intensity, but I don't like acrylics enough to spend that much money.
I was actually on the prowl for some Caran D'ache neocolor II watercolor crayons, of which I have a 15 color set already (I already explained the sick obsession with always wanting more art supplies, right?) because they are just really stinkin cool. Crayons that are erasable, create washes with the addition of water, and are durable and easy to cart around are fun. I couldn't find the big kit I'd like to acquire so for now, I'll just be happy with what I have and pay Amazon a visit soon :)
What's your favorite art supplies? Is there anything you really like to just collect and fuss around with (organize, move, futz around with, reorganize, audible sigh over)?
Okay off to go watch my first Life Book vids and finish writing up my answers to the extensive, exhausting and intrusive questionnaire I have to turn in tomorrow when I go to have my cognitive abilities evaluated by those happy psych peeps at Kaiser. Part of the brain shrinkage issues with MS is that sometimes the cogs just don't work as well as they used to.
What a post Carmen, wow! I think particularly with women, that it is the flaws that get most of the thought time rather than the true beauty which exudes from within (when it is not stifled through lack of confidence). Of course the whole advertising business is geared up to make us think we are all lesser beings. As for women, it is getting better but slowly. I guess if women were running the world things (not Margaret Thatcher) there would be less money wasted on war toys and more on care. Great post!
ReplyDeleteMy name is Katy and I can't stop buying art supplies... one of my goals is to either use them or give them away because I'm not running an art supply museum!
ReplyDeleteI'm really excited because I've just found a micro-loan endeavour (lendwithcare) which makes me feel like I have a little more power to help people and women in particular. Somehow since I've started a business and had a baby it's a lot more important to me to help other people to do the same thing.
I think I know how you feel because I've never liked the way I look.
ReplyDeleteAnd just like you, I love to buy more and more and more art supplies. However, I do love the Golden fluid acrylics, but I only buy them when they're not full price. Thankfully our little art supply store often has a sale going on... I love to make glazed with them, so water them down even more, but it looks so good on a canvas, and I love the transparency of many of the colors and their yummyness... okay, you get the picture.
I'm glad that you are back in blogland. I sometimes struggle with my blog as well, when I'm completely out of ideas and just don't want to be a bore and then better don't post anything. On the other I very much enjoy it and wish I had a better, easier way with words, but not being a native speaker of English makes is a bit complicated sometimes.
Wishing you all the best for 2012.